The chuppah [wedding ceremony]… When you write the kesuba [the marriage contract], it’s between the bride and the groom. The tenaim, the engagement, is not between the bride and the groom. It’s between the people who are standing behind the bride. It’s like the bride and groom are not there. Because the wedding is mamash taking place in this world. It’s a legal matter. You get married, and that’s it, you are married. But the engagement is not a legal matter. It should not happen to you, chas v’shalom, [Gd forbid] but other couples get engaged and the next day they can call each other up and say, “You know, I’m sorry, but forget it. No hard feelings.” And it’s over.
Do you know what the tenaim is? It’s so gentle, it’s mamash only up there. It’s not in this world… It’s not in this world. Tenaim mamash begins up there in Heaven and then it comes down, and the wedding is when it is coming down. So the tenaim is like you’re not here; both of your neshamos [souls] are up there. So other people have to take care of it in this world.
The saddest thing in the world is when people get married and they stop being engaged. That means they’re just down here and they lose this contact with each other from up there. So I bless you that your wedding should last forever. But, above all, I bless you, mamash, that your engagement should mamash be forever.
Turning Back The Clock
You know what the engagement is? It is like turning the clock back. Gd is turning the clock back and it’s like it was forty days before you were born. And it is then that they call out who your soulmate is. You know how beautiful that is? It is so beautiful.
Everybody asks, why does it have to be only in Heaven? The boy is Bar Mitzva, the girl is twelve, they should try to get them together. Why does it have to be called out in Heaven? One of the deepest answers is, because to put two people together is not in this world… It is not in this world. It’s mamash Heavenly.
OK, to put two people together when they are already in this world is a little bit Heavenly, but can you imagine the way Gd puts you together before you were born? Gevalt! So, at the engagement, we are turning the clock back.
The heilege Rizhiner says, before they call out in Heaven who should marry whom, mamash they go through all the girls who are living during this time and age. They look through all the girls who you could possibly marry. The Rizhiner says there is mamash a whole community of angels, experts on marriage counseling, and the angels, with the deepest prophecy, look down into the heart of each one. They mamash know that you two are the best for each other. It’s not so simple….
When you love someone, don’t ever ignore them. When you love someone, it means you exist. Because when you ignore someone, it means, “In my book you don’t exist.” If you love someone and in their book you don’t exist, that really hurts.